Finally caught up...

Well, I made another new friend today. Someone else that I (probably) havent met, although she went to the same middle and high schools that I did. Interesting....

She is the one who turned me on to this site, so you can all blame her for having to look at my grill so large on this page as well as being subjected to my inane ramblings in search of some minuscule core of sanity in my life.

Things are strange. This being a new venue, I suppose I should start with some information about myself. I am 31 years old, and feel every year of it most days since I work with mostly 18-24 year old kids. I joined the military 2 years ago and cant wait to get out. This shit is most certainly not for me. I am just not that "HOOAH." I thank the powers that be every day that I am not one of the Joes out there kicking down doors. I do automations and communication for a medical battalion. Medical folks are truly "special," let me tell you, but once again, I'd rather deal with a battalion full of prima donna's than out riding around waiting to see if today is the day I get blown up. Besides, they dont call this post "Mortar-itaville" for nothing. Its funny to see the guys come in for training. Just Thurs morning, one of the Joes knocked on my door before PT, he's here from Baghdad, and he's freaking out. "SGT!!! Hey, we gotta get to the bunkers! The C-RAM just went off!!" While he is saying this, we hear two fairly loud thumps from the mortars going off. I told him "I guess they missed" and kept on brushing my teeth. We get hit out here so often, that unless its close enough to actually rattle the walls (and even then, we dont move until round #2 hits), we dont pay it much mind. The general thought around here is "If you hear it explode, it didnt hit you. If you dont hear it explode, it doesnt really matter anymore, does it?"

I have 2 children whom I love dearly and they are the main (and possibly only) reason that I bother to try to figure out what is broken with me and fix it. Seth is 5, Cali is 2. They were just told by their mother that when Daddy gets back from the desert, he wont be living with them anymore. That was her way of saying "I cheated on your father, decided that he was a lousy husband, and I am going to divorce him." Guess I cant blame her for breaking it down to such simple terms, they are very young children. My children now live in a different state than I will when I return, at least until such time as I get out of the Army in 2 years. I am glad they are in Tx, my folks and siblings are there, and I am glad they have them around. Its also probably a good thing as well in that it leaves me out here not feeling like I am missing out on so much. After all, even if I were back in the states, the two people I care the most about wont be anywhere near me anyway. Really, what's the difference between 1000 and 7500 miles? They amount to the same thing.

I try my damnedest to deny the bitterness that I feel for this situation, but I fail as often as I succeed. Be that as it may, I am bound and determined to get over this situation in the best, most efficient, most complete manner I am capable of. If I am not capable of it, then I intend to learn to be capable. I will pick myself apart. I will tear all my walls down, throw all my shit around, pick up only what is worth keeping, and leave the rest of it for the garbage.

I'm still married, more from a practical point of reasoning than for any stupidness like a belief that my soon to be ex and I will reconcile. I need the money and the protections offered to me by the military, and would lose both of those if I signed any divorce agreement. She can wait till fucking November, by God. Or until I actually get hit by one of these mortars, whichever comes first. We would have been married 10 years this summer, what is a few months? Its not like being married is stopping her from fucking whoever she wants. It stops me though. I dont want to go to jail, and since the military will throw your ass in jail for infidelity, I aint taking the chance! Just not worth it, I'll make plenty of time for all that when I get back and sign the divorce paperwork.

The blogs below are the ones that I had on disk from what I have already put up on myspace. I think this is going to be the primary location for my blogs from this point forward, because I can actually access this site from work, instead of having to walk 2 miles to the MWR. We are supposed to be getting internet access in our CHU's soon, so maybe at that point, I will pick back up on myspace. Guess it all depends on how many people find this blog and decide to offer some feedback. It would be really fucking cool if I started getting hate mail too, that would make my day. LOL

Sorry for such an inane post. Its my first here, and I just wanted to introduce myself.