boring blogs, killing time

So... I got internet access in my room today. That's damned near the most exciting thing that has happened to me (that originated in this country) since I got here. It's not terribly fast, but at least I dont have to sit at battalion to talk to the people who are important to me, and I will get to have webcam conversations with my kiddies, among other entertaining people. :)

I'm absolutely fucking exhausted, and I'm not complaining. I've had some of the most rewarding and fulfilling conversations of the last decade in the past couple of days. The kinds of conversations you might have had with your first crush half your life ago, the kinds of conversations that leave you wanting more, needing more. The kind that make you ignore work, sleep, food. The good kind.

I'm still learning new things. New things about myself, new things about my new friend. Surprises abound, some of the good kind, some of the kind that make me think "hmmmm" and some of the kinds that leave me not really knowing how to respond to them. There are many things about a person that you can learn if you only listen well. There are many things that people are encouraged to share with you if you will just shut your mouth and receive the message. Granted, I have a hard time doing that, but I am trying, and so far it is paying incredible dividends when I am successful.

My fear has left the building in regard to my situation, at least for now. I have come to terms with what is going on around me, what is going on within me. I'm not going to expend energy fighting my reactions, instead I am going to ride them out, see where they take me, see if I like it where I wind up. Plenty of time to deal with things as they arise, no need to kill them before they can begin by worrying them apart.

I'd like to say I am beginning to trust again, but that would be a lie. I can say that I have temporarily suspended mistrust, and that is something. Forward motion, positive change, at least.

One short week. I wouldnt have believed it could net such literally awesome returns so quickly, but apparently it can and did and will continue to do so. Pretty cool...