Divorce!

Well, today I found the documentation needed to file for uncontested divorce with children in the state of Texas. I downloaded all 50 pages and will start filling those out this week.

I am at peace with this. The process and the path to get to this point was painful as fuck, but I am here now. Even more than being at peace with it, I am excited to get it done. I didnt make the decision to quit, but once one person has given up, the relationship is dead. Since this is the case, the thing to do is deal with it as it comes, make the best decisions that I can regarding my children and provision for their needs, and surgically remove the offending person from my legal life.

50 fucking pages. LOL This is going to take awhile. Today was the day to get the divorce process started, tomorrow is the day to get my contract with the military in order so they can pay off the two payments of 33.3% of my outstanding final school loan. Yes, I will have to pay income taxes on the amount that the military pays of the loan, and I will have to pay all the interest accrued on the loan myself, but this is going to total less than 20% of the total outstanding loan, and I can handle that a lot easier than the full amount. LOL

I think I will email the divorce packet to her as well, so she can get started looking over what she needs to and begin figuring out what her sticking points are. This way, at least I will know whether or not I will need to retain legal counsel when I get back to the states. She says that wont be necessary, and I would love to believe her, but it was my faith in her that brought us to this point to begin with, so in the words of a very dear friend, "I wont be naive to the fact."

This is good. As much as it sucks to have to petition for divorce, as strongly as I would have denied ever having the need to do so before I deployed, there is a lot of healing that is going to be forced to take place as I plug through this packet and systematically lay out all my financial information, decide on child custody, etc. This is the end, my friend.

The future holds beautiful things for me, I can see this. Once I get over this damnable mountain of paperwork, I can begin to truly look forward to that future and start to lay my plans for it. I have things I want to accomplish and I know certain actions and paths that I will take, but I think it will really be possible to nail down what is most likely to occur once I begin the bargaining phase of this with her and find out what kind of stupid shit she is going to try to pull on me. She is certainly beginning to show signs of greediness, and that is going to hurt me in the long run, but fuck it. I can always file suit to change whatever we agree on later, once I have many of my goals accomplished and get out of the military.

Off to the races.

ENTITLEMENT

I hate that word. With a passion. Who the fuck was it that told you that you were 'entitled' to something anyway? Earn it yourself like the rest of us.

Some might say that spending 10 years with a person entitles you to certain things. I might be one of those persons. However, unlike the lazy, money grubbing, do-nothing sons of bitches around me, the things I feel entitled to are more complex than money. I felt entitled to love, respect and integrity in my relationship. I felt entitled to my trust being well placed. I felt entitled to be able to spend a year away without losing everything I thought I had in the first 100 days.

I had the first indications that she is going to be the mega bitch I know she can be in regard to our divorce and the amount of child support she feels 'entitled' to. She doesnt care about percentage of income, she doesnt care about crippling my ability to provide for myself and live on my own. She cares only that she gets as much cash out of me as she possibly can so that she can continue to buy her booze and fast food on my dime. I have a hard time believing that she deserves half of my income, even if I have been supporting her completely for the last 6 years of our marriage. Get a fucking job, you leech. grooooowl